Of all the different ways we reassure ourselves, the least comforting is this, “‘It just wasn’t meant to be.”

Let me tell you my story from this year at The Indian School of Business, where I, like most of you, joined to carve my own path. But even before I had walked through these doors, I had my path clearly laid out in front of me.

See, for me, getting into B-School was just a way of getting into consulting. So, I did everything I had to do to realize that dream. I would work hard on all the assignments, sometimes to the point of annoyance of my study group. I would spend hours in the library, so much so, that my roommates would look at me with suspicion every night as I returned home at 2:30 a.m., looking tired but satisfied.

Three terms of this madness, and I got a great GPA that would settle well on the top right of my résumé. Sure enough, I got the shortlists, and that only made me more motivated to put in the hours and solve over a hundred cases. Sometimes, I would even steal A4 sheets from the SV printer whenever I ran out of them for my case prep.

And then came the fateful day of 20th November–Day one of campus placements as you might all vividly remember, where six months of blood and sweat culminated in tears and sorrow. As I returned home that day, not having converted even one of those interviews, my roommate embraced me with a glass of whiskey.

We ended up talking and drinking for hours that night, and at some point during the conversation, he told me, “Adhiraj, I have seen you work so hard for this. If you did not get the job, it just wasn’t just meant to be”. I think the words were supposed to be reassuring perhaps but they felt extremely hollow at the time.

***

Now, let’s move on to Chapter 2 of my ISB life and this is right after placements.

So, I had known this classmate for a few months now, and we used to hang out quite regularly. She had a smile that could light up the room! And every time we talked, I felt such a strong and positive connection, that for the first time in 25 years of my life, I summoned the courage to ask someone out. And she said “Yes!”

She said “Yes”, and I felt so happy that night, that I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that we would make this work together.

But soon enough, things began to unravel. I don’t exactly know what it was, but despite there being such a mutual liking for each other, we just could not work things out. And no matter what I said or what I did, I could not beat the circumstances that were drifting us apart. So, after weeks of sleepless nights in coming up with ideas to win her over, I saw her fateful text one day, “Adhiraj, we need to sit and talk”

And so, we talked and decided to end things…

Dejected as I was because I really thought she was the one, I circled back to my own house. Where, again, my roommate was there. And so was that same bottle of whiskey.

And in the infinite wisdom that can only come from a few pegs of Jim Beam and several heartbreaks, he told me, those exact words again, “Bro, I know you really liked that girl, but if things didn’t work out, they probably weren’t meant to be”

“Not meant to be?” I have thought a lot about his words over the past few weeks, not just because I was bitter. And not just because I was hurting. But for a brief moment, I had started to believe that the a**hole was actually right.

And it took a lot of introspection and lots of dark days to realize why I was having such a hard time accepting those words. Because accepting those words was against the very core of who I am.

***

At 12, I was never meant to swim because of a lifelong fear of water. But I persevered and I did it anyway. At 18, I was never meant to study in India’s finest engineering college because I was just an average student. But I persevered and I did it anyway. At 22, even before ISB, I was never meant for the corporate world after failing seven straight interviews. But I persevered and I did it anyway.

And so just like that, it did not matter if destiny denied me a job in consulting. Because through years of hard work and failing and trying, I had built a safety net in my mind so big that I got out there and got another great job the very next day. And just like that, it does not matter if her smile does not light up my universe anymore. Because I will put myself out there once again in trying to find another connection. And when I find that connection, I will nurture it with even more care and even more tenderness, and I will eventually shape my own destiny myself.